i need to live my life how i was born

Since the advent of time, and not just the clock, but the breaking down of days based on night- and daylight, we as humankind have attempted to chronicle and forecast our lives, daily, weekly, yearly, etc., in an attempt, i believe, to quantify and give stock to our ephemeral existences. We want to maximize (or minimize) the quests we undertake, the pastimes in which we induldge, the time spent with and the number of family, lovers, and friends. Rare is spontaneity, looked down upon is the inadherence to said prophecies of what’s to come.

In my book, i want to be able to live more freely, more spur of the moment. Some would say i do that enough already—definitely more than those who say so, at least—but underlying is still a restrictive society.

Society in its essence is a restriction, so, this is probably a case of redundancy. Society is ripe and hand-holding with conformity.

Regardless of that, moving before schedule, being premature by months and before traditionally accepted standards with my tentative, longshot dreams, would bring me back to my birth—a time i decided it was time to start the process of breathing on my own while my mother was watching Gremlins.

It’s ironic, sorta, though, that i began the journey while a scary-ish movie was on, because as an adult i’m prone to fits of fear and jumpiness if i attempt to watch a horror film—much to the chagrin of friends and lovers (lol). One of my bffs (hey, Flip Flop!) says i’m a walking contradiction because of my antics, inaction, dislikes and affinities. All i can do is chuckle, smile and shrug at that. It makes me interesting.

Actually, i think the title of this post is incorrect now that i think about it. I need to continue to live my life how i was born; to continue to be down for pretty much anything, planned or spontaneous; i cannot let myself to go through atrophy of the “let’s do it—i’m down!” mantra. It is difficult at times, though, because as i’ve gotten older, i’ve been introduced to and become close with a growing phalanx of folks who are inspiring, who are more responsible, who have me disheartened at times with the scope and reflection of my life so far. But, it’s not their fault: i know what i believe is a positive aspect i’m lacking that they don’t, and i am forever looking for that balance—ahh, the typical fight of a Gemini.

Here’s to continuing the journey and hoping the birth of death is not premature.